Failure...

I never thought it would hurt so much.
I never thought it would happen to me.
But it did.
I failed.

I have no idea how things will go from now on.

All my life,
I have been told that I will pursue one thing and I will succeed.
But then again,
I am only human- allowed to commit mistakes.

But I guess he doesn't see that.
He only sees me as a failure.

Damn.
I didn't ask to become the first-born.
If I could,
I'd ask the heavens to give me enough wisdom,
Just so that you can be proud of me.

I'm sorry I didn't turn out the way you want me to be.
I would do anything to please you...
To make you proud of me...
But the thing is,
I can't.
I just have different things in mind.

I am not meant to become the person you want me to be.
I am meant to be my own person.
And I can't do that when you strangle my freedom.

I don't know what I want anymore.
I have long erased it from my mind and soul.
Because I wanted to please you so much.

And as I hear you sigh because of me...
I feel more and more humiliated...
embarassed...
And dissapointed with myself.

I just hope that someone yu know till read this...
And hopefully he will tell this to you.

I don't want to shift.
I want to change schools.
I want to go to the course that I want.

But I can't say that to you.
Because you'd probably say I'm disrespecting you...
That I'm being stubborn.

But I'm not.
I'm only saying what's on my mind.
What I feel...

I'm your daughter.
I hope you understand.

And please remember that I love you.
I never hated you.
I was never angry.
I just wanted you to understand me.

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for not being the perfect daughter.

And no,
It doesn't mean that I don't care when I don't look worried.

Fact is,
I'm worried as hell.
I'm the one who has an unsure future!
I go to the net to release my emotions.
Not because I don't care.

See...
You would understand this if you knew me.
But you don't.
So now,
You think I'm an ungrateful bitch
Who doesn't care about whatever may happen.

I hope things get better for all of us.