Saturday, August 12, 2006


It's always very hard when I get sick.
I have to go back from the start,
And build everything from scratch.

I'm supposed to focus on my midterms,
But I can't...
Because of damned things that I wasn't supposed to feel in the first place.
I know I'm not like this.
I don't go crazy over something that is probably just a passing fancy...
Maybe it isn't a passing fancy.

But I know I'm more than this.
I've become weak because of unforseen circumstances..
Whick I don't want to go away.

I want it all to end.
But I know I'll still look for it..
I'll still long for it.

I think I'm going insane.

I want to be me again.
I want to be the hakuna matata me again.

This ... thing ... person ...
is killing me inside.
But no matter how hard I fight,
I choose to succumb.

Because in the end,
No matter how many pains,
aches I have,
I still want it.
I still want him.

How stubborn can I get?

I want to feel nothing.
I want to punch a mirror,
See the blood flowing out of my knuckles,
Buit I won't feel it.
I want to slit my wrist,
See people gasp and stare at my death
But I will look aloof to all the commotion.

I want everything around me to stop.
And I will look for him.
And when I find him,
I will never let him go.
I will not let time affect us.
Because If he would know I'm there,
He'll leave.
And I'll be alone again.

When that happens,
I will search the world...
I will look for him.
And when I find him,
I'll tell him I love him.
Then I can die.


Dramatic isn't it?
But that is how I feel.
I'm popping 4 pills a time...
so spare with the drama.
I'm emotionally unstable because of the meds.
But what I feel wne wrote right now are all me.

So there.
Next time you hear from this blog i probably next week.



At 7:31 AM, August 15, 2006, Blogger Kim said...

Hi gurl! Sorry I haven't been online and reading recently. La Salle is riding up my ICE err ASS! WAHAHHAHAHAH!!

Ang sarap magkwentuhan beybe!!

SBK or SBS naman tayo minsan!

I have my crush's block pic!! OHMIGOSH!!! HAHAH!!

Wait, now to you.

You're sick? bakit? What happened? Pinabayaan mo nanaman sarili mo ha? Ikaw talaga, wala ka na talagang ibang ginawa kundi kumain ng ham! Teka, san nanggaling yun?

See what I mean? Ham can ruin your life! A pig should not eat other pigS!! Kaya tignan mo? Slowly nagigin Veggiefishian na ako. HAHA!!

Baby-boo, lalake lang yan. Hindi mo kailangan mag paka sira ng ulo sa mga yan okay? No matter how special he is OR how special he makes you feel. Keep in mind, masarap pa rin ang ice-cream!

Basta, you get my point naman diba? Don't lose hope on anything or anyone. 'Wag kang guamaya sa'kin. Pag umayaw wala na talaga. Hay naku. Haha.

Basta, chikahan tayo. Libre ko Banana Split sa FIc. Promise yan hunny boo.\

So c'mon, smile okay? I don't want to leave serious message because, once in a while, I'll let you have your fun basking in pity. :D

Pag next entry mo ganyan pa din ay you'll hear from me. Okay? Alam mo naman, Ang mahina sa'kin ay ang kalaban. Hahaha.

You know how I hate weakness or even just the slightest view of it. Also melodrama, either way, it doesn't work for me. Hahaha.

Oh, pano na yan? I'll see you on the flip side!

Bye baby boo!

I love ya so muuuch!



At 6:40 PM, August 15, 2006, Blogger Maccer da Packer said...

thanks mama bear...

sana makita niyo xa...

baka nabugbog niyo na...

i love you and i miss you... thanks for bringing me back...

sagad talaga forever!

At 9:46 PM, August 15, 2006, Blogger Kim said...

ALways been a pleasure badoodles.

I know you and the rest of SAGAD deserve better than THAT kind of filth!

No offense hunny boo.

At 6:02 PM, August 16, 2006, Blogger Maccer da Packer said...

alavya to pieces mama bear...


At 2:08 PM, August 19, 2006, Blogger xathanael said...

oo nga naman...

Akala ko ba mga lalake ang mga maghahabol sa aten at iiyak para sa atin!?!

Remember, maraming mas magandang bagay ang nandyan lang... AND HE'S BLOCKING YOUR VIEW!!!

You're missing out on many things because of him.

Love is not about pain Mac, it's about enjoying and taking ispiration from it but if this is the case, di ko na kaya, i'll be honest, hindi na ito love...

Ayokong makita yan kasi baka maleche lang yan sa akin...

He's keeping you from everything nice like me... AY! nadulas ako...

Alalahanin mo, mas importante isipin mo ang sarili, ang pangarap mo at ang ikabubuti mo.

Leave things and people who can hinder you from being the person you are and move on to those who makes your day sll the way fulfilling and nice....

Wag ka magpaka-tanga dyan kasi kung ganon lang, hmmmmm, magpapasugat ako ng ilang beses gamit ng whip sa buong wankata.... (maawa ka na rin sa likod ko, baka di na ko pansinin ni - JOKE!)

You're beautiful, You're everything and you're a part of SAGAD mehn...

Think of it this way, we set everything and everyone follows and looks up to us...

Yung mga hindi, mga insignificant beings lang mga yon... mga static at di tapos na sketch sa draft ng buhay naten.... at kelan man di matatapos... ayt?

At 8:50 AM, August 21, 2006, Blogger Maccer da Packer said...

well said.


I will get over this.




At 11:01 AM, August 21, 2006, Blogger Kim said...

Putchs steph... Bulleseye!

Ang galiong ah. I didn't know Steph had the capacity to be compassionate. :P

Well, she pulled the words right out of my mouth.

Just be strong and be good!

I know you have a rebound na. Now go play BASKETBALL! *LOL*

Ay, bad advice you hunny boo. 'Wag kang makinig sakin. Ito na lang isipin mo..

When you think of Kimmie, what can you see?!?! :))

Ang dami ko ng gusto ikwento sa'yo.

Sorry I couldn't hook you up with a La Salle dude, but in case, you wouldn't want one anyway.

See? I told you, it's so easy for you to get a guy like THAT.

But, Mac, you know anamn the consequences of getting a rebound guy just like that right? I hope you know what you're doing. Like I told Angela the other day:

'You might think he's the right one, but he might be the right one just for this ONE right MOMENT.'

Do you understand what I mean?

I know rebounds aren't there for the best life-saving reasons, but you better be careful. You might think that this rebound can save you the whole ball game.

Just take care of yourself okay baby-boo?

I love you!


At 6:25 PM, August 23, 2006, Blogger Maccer da Packer said...

Don't worry about me mami.

I know he's not the right one...
unless he becomes a doctor. Hehe.


I met up with a Bedan who studies in La Salle...

Pde na... pero friends lang.

What I'm trying to say is, I'll get over it.
I'll get over him.
But there is still a part of me that hopes for the dream I'm looking for.
I miss you guys...

Hope you get me out of this monastery full of guys. It's driving me crazy!
I'll take our convent with the blue castle anytime...:D

Cheers mga dod.


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