Melancholy...

Ever had that eternal sadness stay in your soul?
It's as if you would never be happyu again...
Like the whole world has conspired to ruin your life...
This is worse than depression...

Why me?
I know I haven't been a saint lately...
BUt is this Inferno?
I don't blame others for what is happening...
I do blame myself...
After all...
It is my fault.

It seems like the universe is mocking me...
She shows how my life could be...
If I didn't have these demons in my life...
She shows the happiness of others...
While I lay here in despair...
Longing to succeed...
Or just to die.

I'm tired.
I don't know if my patience has run out...
Or I just lost the drive to live.
Maybe both.
It's too near the end to give up...
And yet I have half the heart to stop and do give in...
But the other half...
Wants me to go on...
I know I'll experience more pain,
More tears,
More hurt.
But in the end...
I will be rewarded.

Sometimes,
I think of that reward.
I ask myself:
Do I really want it?
Of course I do...
But I don't think I'm worth it...
You make me think I'm not worth it...
You make me think I'm nothing...

How could you?
Of all people...
Why you?

No matter...
I will always love you...
No matter what.