Unnoticed...

The song by Juana has been spinning in my head for one week now.
"Di mo naman pinapansin mga tawag ko
Di mo naman pinapansin mga sulat ko
Ano ba talaga gusto mong gawin ko?"

DAMN!!!!

I feel so stupid.
I'm here..
Always beside you.

Why can't you see me?

Am I that ugly?
Am I destined to be alone forever?
Why can't someone love me as I love him?

Maybe I should just cry this out.
Besides,
Nobody cares.
I'm always unnoticed.

Gone...

Last night...
you visited me in my dreams.

Why?

You already know I fee alone and lonely.
You already see the hurt I am feeling.

Why did I have to see you?

The feeling you gave me...

Knowing you are there,
though I can't reach you...
I can't touch you...
I can't hold you...

Now I'm here...
With tears running down my face.

I see nothing..
I feel nothing..
Only the empty space you left me.

I tried to ignore it.
I tried to destroy it.
But the people around me...
They make me long for you.

Why did you have to go?
Why did you have to leave?

I thought I was done mourning.
But the pain is stil in my heart.

Done come and see me anymore.
It only makes me long for your love.

Am I to be alone forever?
Am I to cry because you are gone?
Am I to never love again?

I feel so left out.

I feel so unloved.

...

I miss you Jin.

Free...

He doesn’t know that his own words made me leave him.

He doesn’t know how long I waited.

He doesn’t know how stupid I felt.

He doesn’t know how lonely I was.

He doesn’t know how I longed for him.

He doesn’t know how angry he made me.

He doesn’t know how much hurt he caused.

He doesn’t know the pain I felt.

He doesn’t know the tears I shed.

...

He doesn’t know what I decided.

He doesn’t know I asked for a sign.

He doesn’t know God gave it to me.

He doesn’t know how happy I was when I saw that sign.

He doesn’t know I ended it.

...

He doesn’t know the things that happened.

He doesn’t know how it ended.

He doesn’t know it ended.

He doesn’t know his friends helped me.

He doesn’t know anythig.

...

HE DOESN'T KNOW I'M FINALLY FREE.

I'm finally free of him...

And all the pain he caused me.

Now I shall start anew.

And live life again.

Wild...

I'm loving the scent of a drunk man who smokes.
Weird isn't it?

...

But if you're in my place,
You'd say the same thing.

A friend and I were on a wild night.

Yes...
It was short...

But that short amount of time gave her a smile that I can still see-
even if we're already in our own houses.

I just love it when I'm sober and the guy is drunk!
Haha.

Even though I wasn't the one who had fun with the guys...
I loved watching evering moment of it!

No...
We didn't do anything promiscuous.

We just did what we usually do...

You think about what we do.

Haha.

Oh well...

I hope we have another night like that.

This time...

I'll be the one who experiences the action.

Hehehe...

Sagad.

Chauvinist...

NOw I know my problem.

I stil can't believe this is happening to me.

Do I have to suffer all this pain?

Am I to be alone and forsaken all my life?

When will I be able to have the respect I deserve?

Probably never.

Enrollment...

Before anything else,
I just want you to know that I am illegally using the internet of my mother's office.
Haha.
Call it corruption.
I call it resourcefulness.
Hahaha.

I don't know what it is...
But I haven't been online much...
I probably have lost the oh so few readers that I have.
Oh well..
Hehehe...

I think I found other things I could busy my life with.
Haha.

I finally found a way to get out of house.
I love the Mayflower.
Every afternoon,
I'm at church...
With my friends.
After some singing,
We spend 1 to 2 hours playing patintero at the church patio.

I finally get out of the grasp of my parents!
Wahoo!

Anyway...

I'm here at my mom's office because I enrolled today.
It was easy, but VERY long.
It was a bad idea that we came later...
I usually go to Beda aroiund 6 am...
But oh well.
I saw the hot CAT officer that I have been spotting since forever...
He even smiled at me..
Hehehe...
Yikee....

Another topic:
Summer flings.
Unfortunately (Or rather fortunately), I don't have one.
It's been fun helping my friend have one...
And breaking up with that guy...
I'm trailing away again.
What I'm trying to say is that I finally have a summer that I'm not running after a guy.
I'm finally content with what I have and who I am not with.
And besides, I'm starting to get really close with my choirmates. :D

I realized that summer flings are a waste of time.
Making friends and having meaningful relationships with them are better.

Uhmmm...
I would like to excuse myself with Tricco.
Sot,
Sorry I haven't been able to talk with you lately.
I've been VERY BUSY since May 3... hope you understand.

One last thing.
There has been something bothering me at the back of my mind...
And no hugs or pat on the back can ever solve this.
I have to face it on my own.

There.

So...
uhm...
Until then....

Ciao.
SAGAD.

Out...

I have been out of the house for six days.

Without the net.

Fel I was going crazy.

HAHA.

I missed home, with all the trimmings.

Anyway,
It looks like 3 of us already talked about the trip to Tagaytay-Binubusan,
so why not I talk about it too?

29
As usual, I was the first one to go to Kim's house.
Followed by Steph.
We fetched Tricco at Mcdo Katips.
Ate at Mcdo SLEX.
Had a round of Magic Sing until we got there.
Oh,
and this is the start of our insomiac nights.

30
House blessing of the Guevarras.
Nikki got a sprain.
OUCH.
My family came.
Had fun.
Steph left na.
Boohoo.

1
Nuthin much.
Bummed around the house.
Watched the start of Ice Age 2 and Beatles DVD.
Went to Yellow Cab for dinner.

2
Went to Binubusan for our fiesta.
ate... ate.. ate...
Found new enemies.
HAHA.
Had our revenge.
HAHAHA.

3
It was only me, my cuz, my other cuz and my ninang.
And a new sugar daddy...

hihihihi...

The power was cut off because of our neigbor magic singing the night away.
So we lived in tea lights and scented candles
It was such a good mood...

Hahaha.

We went home yesterday, May 4.

I;m going to get the ball pics later...

Uh...

By the way...

I got a new sugar daddy...
And he's loaded!

haha...

You're all the ass i need beybeh...

SAGAD my friends, SAGAD.